Cruise #2 or the Children's Cruise Aid

This one was a 5-day run from Miami, with stops in Cozumel, Mexico and Grand Cayman, Cayman Islands.

It's the Christmas Cruise, and that means we've got 600 kids on board. Nowhere was this more clear than the first improv show, where the aisles were packed with 6-10 year-old children, spilling right out onto the stage. You want a good way to avoid the F-Bomb? Try sticking the studio audience from Romper Room and Zoom in your peripheral vision.

The improv shows were good. We're starting to get the hang of the 18-and-over show. It's interesting that this has been hard for us, but it does make sense. Part of the basic experience of any improvisor is adapting to the whole "play to the top of your intelligence" mindset. The challenge in these shows has been to take "Dildo" or "Prostitute Factory" as a suggestion, but not to ditch it completely upon starting the scene. We've just got to find the smart choice inside any suggestion, while still honoring the suggestion itself.

On the sketch front, we had a perfectly bizarre experience at the Crew Christmas Show. The door gift for everyone who came was a laser pointer. A laser pointer? Why not just give them a bullhorn with a button that makes it shout "Show us your boobs". That would have honestly been less annoying. If I want lasers pointed into my eyes, I'll pay $20 by the Sbarros in the mall and get Lasik surgery. On top of that, the last thing they wanted was to hear us do witty, verbal comedy it was along the lines of the country-western bar from the Blues Brothers, which gave me a nice Amanda Tate flashback. It wasn't the audiences fault, by any means. It was just the wrong material for the gig. What can you do?

That was Christmas Eve, which I capped off by drinking a glass of Champagne on the deck of my luxury cruise ship and reading "The Road to Wigan Pier". That popping sound you heard was irony blowing its ACL. It was definitely a bummer night for all of us, as everybody had a little wistful thought about the fact that they were so far away from their family.

Christmas was better. We did the Christmas show for the passengers, who were in much more of a mood to sit down and watch a show, and the sketch show went over pretty well. Kevin's girlfriend, Carissa, got us all Maracas in Cozumel, and Jen, Sam and I went to an amazing little restaurant. If it weren't for the three billion flies in the place, it would have been perfect.

The workshop, though, was phenomenal. We had 50 people turn out. I ran it, but had to split the crowd up with Eileen, or we wouldn't have been able to get through everything.

We did get out to Grand Cayman as well. The water looked beautiful, and I'm chomping at the bit to get this cast off and get in and swim. I'm getting tired of reading on the sand.

Christmas in Cozumel

Christmas on the Island of Misfit Prescriptionless Pharmaceuticals


We're through the looking glass here, people


They found me. I don't know how, but they found me!

So this is Christmas, and what have I done?

Christmas Ape goes to summer camp

This is slightly weirder than that time we had Thanksgiving dinner at Shoney's

Nothing says "Mexico" like a giant fir tree

What all men fear most: THE UNEXPLAINED!

Miami Photo Dump

Some more pictures from the first cruise:

Barbados:

This is the least weird moment from the Boatyard

Our first taste of port

It ain't Hollywood until a homeless guy screams something about the Freemasons

Saint Lucia:

Mmmm...San Pedro

Mansion, this is shanty-town. Shanty-town, this is mansion.

Antigua:

Pirates? In the Caribbean? Well I never.

Two shots from a sunset sail-away

The Pearl:

Sam Richardson is a very happy fellow, right?

This = Work

Full moon on the longest night of the year
or
My camera needs glasses

More from the first Cruise

Porting in Tortola

Tortola Seaside, or My First Homemade Postcard

More Tortola

Church in Antigua


And now, your moment of zen

America, America, My Phone Doth Work in Thee

Second City LA Training Center, baby!

Jimmy James attempts to circumnavigate the globe

Bit Squad Alpha: Miami
(Owen Wittekindt appears courtesy of the KGB)

Random pictures from the first Cruise

These tend to be off the side of the boat, since we didn't get to get out in port much on this first run.

The M.S. Norwegian Jewel:
Zoom in close enough, and you'll find another improv group staring back at you.

Covering Dylan at sea is a lonely lifestyle

Island near Samana, in the Dominican Republic

Two shots from the approach to Tortola, British Virgin Islands

Day 3 & 4 - Samana & Tortola

First up, a quick tech note:

I clearly have internet access on the boat, but the bandwidth is pretty restricted. That basically means that photos can only be uploaded from port. I'm skipping out on St. Lucia as I write this, since my arm is bugging me, but I'll put up a metric crapload on Sunday when I port into Miami.

Back to 3 & 4 -

We're basically trapped on the ship until we get the show open. Day three was our first real serious time in the Stardust Theater, where we'll be putting up the sketch show. It was basically a chance to re-block everything, and to finally solidify the running order, setting what our improv slots will be, etc. The stress level was peaking for everyone, since the passengers don't know this is a new show, and we don't particularly want to prove it to them. The entire point of a cruise ship is to maintain a tightly scripted illusion of calm and luxury for the passengers. We aren't being paid to pierce that.

Day 4 was show day. We got into the theater to tech at 10 AM, and came face to face with the most high-tech space I've ever been in. The lights alone look like they were designed to travel back in time and find Sarah Connor. We totaled about 6 hours of rehearsal during the day, got a much-needed dinner break, then reassembled in the theater for the first of two shows that night.

Both went well. In case you're wondering, our inaugural improv suggestion was "constipation". There are some things seawater can't change.

For the detail conscious, the running order:

PDA - Blackout - This is one of four blackouts about life on a cruise ship written expressly for BoatCo.

Paranoid - Blackout

Sequel - Blackout

Applebees - Scene - A great little relationship scene from SC Denver's "Denverginity" show.

Intro

Blues Jam - Improv -The first of two games, and the first time we go to the audience for a suggestion. I'll never understand what it is about requesting a suggestion that will make a perfectly normal guy sitting next to his 10 year-old daughter scream "Gay Porn" at the top of his lungs.

Dummy - Scene - Nice silent bit created by Brian Gallivan and Marybeth Monroe

Crew Only - Blackout - Another Boat scene

Nixon - Blackout - this one is from 1991 or 1992, I'd guess. All the references are still depressingly current. I play a Ron West character, which was bound to happen eventually.

Paycheck - Song - It's too bad no teacher's union can afford to block-book this cruise and hear this one, as they'd go crazy over it. But that's the point of the scene to begin with.

Chiro - Blackout - Another boat scene

Good Night - Blackout - As close as we come to a political sketch

Faux Pearls - Song - The dreaded song and dance number. On the fun side, the original cast included Tim Meadows, Chris Farley, and the unsinkable Holly Wortell. I play the Farley part, which may well say something about my ability to sing.

School - Blackout - Another Gallivan creation. Funny and quick.

Style Option - Improv - No, we won't be doing 5 minutes of gay porn in front of your toddler. Stop asking.

Pictionary - Scene - I've heard this described as Second City's secret handshake. If you've ever been in a touring company, in a boat show, or done any archival material whatsoever, you've probably done this sketch. Steve Carrell was one of the originators of it, and it works. It's also 15 pages long. Our director, who directed the current mainstage show, is a big believer in hitting it fast and hard, which I dig. This sketch could very easily become a one-act in the wrong hands.

McJagger - Blackout - From the 70's. Probably the oldest sketch in the show.

Captain - Blackout - The last of the boat blackouts.

Dirty Baghdad - Scene/Dance Number - A huge closer, courtesy of Second City Vegas

Both shows went very well, and the cruise director was waiting for us after the 9:30 with three bottles of champagne to celebrate the opening. First improv show was the next night, so rehearsal beckoned soon.

Day 2: A Crapload of Ocean

Day two was a sea day, basically the ship making the long trek down into the cluster of islands in the eastern Caribbean that will make up our ports for this cruise. For us, it’s 10 hours of rehearsal, both the sketch show (an hour of sketches from Second City’s archives) and the improv show.

In case anybody’s wondering, here’s how the whole process behind putting one of these shows up works:


3 Weeks Before Embarkation – Running orders and PDFs of scripts are emailed out to the cast. Ideally, you’ll show up to rehearsal totally off book. Bios and headshots for the poster and program are sent in, along with passport info.

2 Weeks Before Embarkation – Videos of the sketches are (hopefully) sent out, as there’s a lot in, say, a musical number that you might not get off the page.

1 Week Before Embarkation – Fly to Chicago for rehearsals. These are four 8 or 9 hour rehearsals of improv and sketch work, focusing mainly on the sketch show. In these four days, you’re expected to go from zero to having the show as close to ready for public consumption as possible.

Embarkation: Fly to Miami, get on the boat, check out the theater, and realize you have to completely re-block everything. You have at most three days until you open, usually less. The reason you want everything completely down before you leave Chicago is that you’re going to have so much new stuff and details to deal with that there isn’t a lot of time to be going over basics.

Show Day: Tech all morning, run all afternoon. First show is at 7:30, second is at 9:30. There’s a well-earned drink after that, but you’ve got an improv rehearsal tomorrow afternoon, and a show that night.

Basically, you’ve got eight days of rehearsal to put together an hour-long sketch show, and an improv set. If you get a break, you walk out on the deck, light up a smoke, and stare out at the bluest water you’ve ever seen in your goddamned life.

Day 1: Chicago to Miami to a Big Freaking Boat

First things first: my wrist is doing OK. They put it in a real cast on Wednesday, which, if nothing goes wrong, will come off January 11th.

Onward.

Embarkation day started with a bang, or, more precisely, a scream.

I helpfully set my alarm to wake me up at 4:00 to be ready when the limo showed up at 6:00 AM. Being an idiot, I set it for 4:00 PM. So I woke up at 5:52, looked at the clock, and cursed like Redd Fox for eight solid minutes. Fortunately, everything was packed, so I was able to drag my unshowered self out of bed and into a limo in about 90 second flat.

One smelly four hour flight later, we hopped in a car or two with our mountain of luggage, and off we went to the port of Miami.

We overpacked.

[with apologies to Bruce McCall]

The HMS Tyrannic: The Biggest Thing In All The World

This is where we’ll be living until the spring: The Norwegian Pearl, the second newest ship in the Norwegian fleet

The ship pulled out of Miami around sunset, and this whole insane endeavor was underway.


The rest of the day was unpacking, straightening out a thousand tiny details, and another rehearsal.

For the next long-ass time, this is home: 15 decks of somebody else's party. You're always wandering into some inexplicable musician who's appeared out of nowhere to cover Dylan for no one in particular.

There are restaurants and bars everywhere, and everything is geared so that the passengers have to do as little work as possible. Thank God there's a gym, or I'd come off of this boat looking like Jabba the American. The whole situation is flat-out surreal.

But, for now, it beats the living hell out of the Los Angeles Metropolitan Transit Authority.

Work's a bitch

"Winter in Chicago", or "Isaac Newton is a Horrible Jerkbag"

I got into Chicago on Sunday. It's a beautiful tribute to the joys of winter. White snow, apple-cheeked women, and steaming cups of black coffee. It also broke my wrist.

In what has to be the 350,654th worst thing ever to happen at Wrigley Field, I slipped on a patch of ice walking past the stadium to pick up some coffee for the morning. I didn't get the coffee, but there really is nothing like a broken bone to keep you awake when you're feeling tired. I get a cast put on tomorrow morning, but, on the upside, the rest of the group will have someone to look after their stuff when they go snorkeling for the next several weeks.

Admittedly, the trip hasn't been all ice and marrow shrapnel. Rehearsals began on the mainstage at Second City yesterday afternoon.

Nice View. A shot from the mainstage.

This is where Yakov Smirnov didn't start out.

First up was improv fundamentals with Mick Napier, founder of the Annoyance Theater. To quote TS Elliot, this rocked. Today it was in on the sketches. We ran through almost everything, which included two musical numbers and a dance number. I also picked up a Vicodin prescription. This had nothing to do with the dance number.

I'll be late to work tomorrow because I have to pay a man to dig in my skin and put a cast on. The good news is that everyone in Second City and the cast has been unbelievably cool, concerned and helpful about my oh-so-coordinated injury. They will remain this way all the way up until they have to help me get my luggage onto the plane to Miami.

Mt. St. Compton

Just two more days of rehearsal, then it's onto the boat. I'm hoping I can make it there with my remaining limbs intact

T minus 2

I've got two more full days in LA before I hop on a plane to Chicago. Two more things to take care of before I'm ready: buying two black ties, and wrapping up two things at the bank. Two more shows before I go, the second annual Tiny Tim Toys for Tots Benefit, and the closing night of my two-man group, Nerdvna's second sketch show. Two more sketches for the boat show to get down. Too much stuff to pack in too few suitcases, and too little time to get everything done.

It's all pretty overwhelming right now. For the rest of the week, I'm unemployed for the first time in years, and it's not exactly as relaxing as I remembered it.

Time to jump back into the fray. The next post will be from Chicago, and the whole adventure will be underway.